I brush my teeth, go to bed, and sleep. The next thing I know, I’m in a mansion, I hear an evil cackle. Slightly disturbed by the laughter, I make my way through the manor. Then, I hear a loud thud. I hear rapid footsteps behind me. I run for the door and exit the mansion. A city is nearby, but it’s been overrun with anarchy. I had already picked up on the the fact that I was dreaming, however the fires polluting the city simply confirm this. But then, a sharp pain juvenates from my chest, and crimson blood trickles from it. I am stabbed by some spider like appendage. It retracts, and I fall to the floor.
I wake up in a daze, sweating, before I realize it was all a dream… Or was it? Black tendrils move in the frame of my window, and a set of six spider legs open it. I run to the bathroom connected to my bedroom and slam the door closed, locking it in the process. But instead of banging at the door, I hear chewing. I open the door to find the horrifying beast devouring my computer. Then I got a glimpse of it’s face… I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was him… FCC Chairman Ajit Pai in his true form. “So the legends are true” I said in astonishment. Ajit runs out the window.
You see, Ajit wanted the repeal Net Neutrality so that he would get more money, and thus, give him the power trip akin to a nine year old becoming a level 5 Youtube hero whilst banning haters on Roblox. With this power, Pai could finally achieve his true form. The last specimen of a long dead alien species that feasted upon computers, using their advanced biotechnological nature to track down PC’s, laptops, and other personal devices, devouring any and all info on said devices, thus giving them the ability to rule the earth once more.
He went missing about three weeks ago. Net Neutrality has been repealed for around five years now. We live in existential nightmare where poverty is at an all time high for the world, due to the fact that we need to pay more for our daily memes. A strange entity met with me today, and I have agreed to be his servant. The entities name is Evil Patrixxx, and he claims he is immortal… He shall save us from Ajit Pai.